Hello, dear watchers. Hi! How are you? Is life good? I hope it is!
I think that I own you all an explanation for the reason why I haven't uploaded anything since last year. I know that only a few people will read this, but the truth is - I don't care. I used to be upset if my drawings or journals didn't get a comment, but as you get older you realize that those things aren't so important. You're your own worst critic and no matter how many positive comments you get - it's your own fault that there is something wrong with the drawing.
OK, here we go...
Last September, I packed my things and left in Skopje to start second year (third semester) in college. I was away from my family yet once again, without my computer and tablet and back to college. Life was good, I had plans about commissions and comics until year 2015 started. I was hoping that it would be a good year, since 2014 was a stressful one. But, for my bad luck, 2015 started out worse that I could ever imagine.
After 7th January, my father had problems with his heart. He was in a hospital for a week, and when he got back home, he had a therapy - which means that he was absent from work for a month (until middle of February). While he was at home taking his medication, I was studying for exams which turned out to be really hard when you have a sick parent and your mind is with them. When I finished with my exams (passed something, failed another) and as my father was getting better another thing happened - a close family friend passed away from cancer. That was a hard blow for us all.
On top of all these bad shit, there were protests in Macedonia (protests connected with college). If you search on Google you will learn more about it, but long story short - I didn't start with my forth semester in February like I was supposed to, but I started in March. During that time, I was fighting with depression. I started hating this year so much that I wished it were over. I was worrying for my father, for my future, for my choice of college... so many worries that I, so ashamed to admit this, but I considered suicide. Why? Well, for starters I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I always considered myself and artists (both drawing artist and writer). With the way 2015 started, I lost my inspiration, I lost my will to pick up that tablet pen, so I took a break from DeviantART. I checked messages from time to time, but I simply couldn't draw.
Things are better now. I'm not suicidal anymore and I'm trying to get my will to draw again back. I read When heaven becomes HELL and I became so proud of myself, of my past-self. I promise you, I will return - be patient with me! I swear I will be back.
Any who, my father is better now, thank you so much. He was back to work in February and he is more positive than I've ever seen him. In times like these, families should always stick together!
I love you all!